Saturday, September 24, 2016

Unrealistic Goals

Mae Govannen!

How's life going, friends?  I feel like I've been so busy with so many things I haven't had a chance to slow down and check in!

So the book marathon is over, and I'm nicely settled into an old textbook about Classical Mythology.  Gee whiz, I never realized how crazy Greek mythology is!  Everything is really interlinked and complex, not to mention the fact that some of the stories are really raunchy.  I seriously think the Greek gods are the most irresponsible literary characters ever.

Plus it's awkward to read in school because there are a ton of photos of ancient statues, most of which are completely naked, and I don't want someone to glance over my shoulder and just see that without context.

Image result for awkward meme

The tennis season is wrapping up this week, and just today I played in a tournament (first singles).  I won the first match and preformed well in the second.  I was really disappointed in the second match because even though I got a really early lead, my opponent was able to catch up and turn the tide.  Tennis is hard because the scores are very nonrepresentational of the actual match.  You and your opponent can have every game score at 40-40 and you can still lose 0-8.  Even if you are evenly matched, the scores don't always represent it.

My brother is on the board of a crisis pregnancy center where people who don't have access to support throughout a pregnancy can go to get medical help and emotional support.  Yesterday they held a fundraising gala which was all fancy and posh

My goodness, I thought it might be fun to get all dressed up, but it is honestly very hard to be a "lady".  I am no Natasha Rostov!

The gown I wore had this really tightly boned corset which restricted not only my breathing but my ability to eat, sit, stand, move my arms, function, move, and basically exist.  I'm surprised it didn't just pinch me out of existence.

Image result for corset pirates of the caribbean gif
Image result for corset pirates of the caribbean gif

The food was great, and I always save the best part of a meal for last, but every time I would go out of the dining room to take a "respite" from the corset, the waiter would come and clear the dishes with my food still on it. 

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All in all the gala was pretty fun and it included a silent auction and a live auction.  I've never been to a live auction before, and it was pretty intense!  They had people who were kind of trying to persuade people to bid which was kind of awkward but it was all very thrilling and I liked the excitement.

My grandma was there too, and she was really eager to bid, and my grandpa had to literally restrain her hand so she wouldn't keep bidding up.  It was so funny!

I shared a sneak peak of the novel I'm working on in a previous post, and I'm still frantically trying to find time to write.  It's seriously frustrating to try and do something like that, especially when it's just "part-time" (I refuse to call it a hobby--I mean business when I write!).

Image result for let's get down to business

The same thing happens to me with goals like getting better at tennis, piano, and violin.  On the one hand, I really want to be good at those skills, but on the other hand, I already spend a lot of time on them and I feel bad doing things like that for my personal betterment all day and not helping other people out as much.  It's tricky to find that balance, you know?


This problem has increased as high school started.  I am a very competitive person, and in junior high and elementary school I was usually one of the best at what I set my mind to--first chair violin, best science state test score, school vocabulary champion, etc.  But now that I'm in high school, there are so many people with such specialized talents that it makes me feel inferior.  

People on varsity tennis take private lessons year round, the violinists in the orchestra have been playing since they were six, kids in my grade are three years ahead in math, etc.  I once thought I was above average, but maybe I'm more average than I thought.  The bottom line is that I don't have the time or money to put into hobbies and talents like other kids--I can't rent indoor tennis courts in the winter, I can't afford private violin lessons, etc.  

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Even if I do find time to write though, I don't always have the creative juices flowing.  Usually I reach my peak creativeness in the afternoon, particularly cloudy days, with candles, and tea.  And piano music.  Which sometimes makes me feel bad for not practicing piano.  Hmm.

Even when the time is right and the creativity is high, I can't write very quickly.  I prefer to formulate my sentences very methodically rather than "word vomiting" and just revising later.  I used to do that, but then I would get discouraged when I reread because it would sound so horrible.  Now I like to perfect a paragraph for half an hour and then move on.  Clearly this is a long and arduous process, but I feel a lot better about the little I have written.  Quality over quantity!

Image result for word vomit

I'm trying to just focus on getting words on paper, which leads me to my first unrealistic goal:

#1: Finish a Rough Draft by the End of the Year

I don't want my book to be super long.  I'm thinking somewhere between the length of the Great Gatsby and Pride and Prejudice, you know, the length of a book you could study in English class and actually have time to finish and examine thoroughly.  

I'm concerned this goal is unattainable due to my ridiculous writing habits I mentioned earlier.

#2: Finish Learning Dawn and The River Flows in You on Piano

My goodness gracious, piano is hard.  I've been told I have a musically oriented mind, but for the love of Pete I cannot sight read piano music.  Two hands at once?  Yeesh.

One good thing about piano though is that you don't really have to worry about intonation like you do on a string instrument.  

Here are the songs I've been working on for somewhere around two months:

#3: Learn Piano Man

This is the most ridiculous goal of them all, in my opinion.  There is no actual way I can learn this song at my level right now, but I really just love the song and I want to be able to play it.  I wouldn't call this a goal, I suppose, it's more of wishful thinking.

Oh, and where has all the time for studying Latin gone?  Is all that work I put into it just pointless?  Did I just waste two hours for every Tuesday and Thursday of last spring?  I feel like I barely retained anything because learning a language alone is so difficult.

Sorry, I just realized this is a really whiny post.  I don't mean to complain, I'm just feeling slightly pressured due to not having much time on a day to day basis to improve my skills and also help out around the house.  

Image result for theres never anyt ime gif jessie
I think I need a cup of soothing tea (I bid on a silent auction item--a silver tea set--at the gala which I won) and a nap.  

How's life going on your part? 


  1. Thanks for this update! It's good to hear how you're doing. I know how that goes with writing.... my sympathies to you! But it's good that you're pressing on and not being discouraged. I really liked the sneak peak that you shared. It's funny- I usually feel most inspired by cloudy, windy weather and piano music too!

    I once watched a live performance of the Piano Man by a student for a talent show when I was still in junior high. (I was homeschooled, but I took music, art, and German in public school). I had a huge crush on him at the time, and so his performance really touched me that night. It also gave me the perfect excuse to go and talk to him and tell him he did a really good job.
    Funny thing is, I actually forgot all about that until recently when I heard the song on the radio. I couldn't place where I'd heard it until the talent show suddenly came back to me in a rush of memory. It was a very nostalgic moment.

    1. Thank you! Oh, what a coincidence... :D

      Aw, that's awesome! Memories ^_^

  2. Hey! Sorry I haven't been around and commenting much, but it was nice to read an update on your life. :) Best of luck with everything you're working on, it all sounds awesome :)

    1. That's okay! Thank you :)
      Nice to hear from you; hope everything is going well for you too.