Wednesday, April 6, 2016

The Presidential Race

I, like many Americans, have (admittedly) not really paid much attention to politics or politicians.  I find them sort of tiresome and underhanded and ultimately discouraging.  However, with all the bustle that's been around the recent presidential race, especially with Donald Trump's shenanigans, I did start paying attention around November and I have watched all the Republican debates and some of the Democratic debates.

But maybe one of the best things about Trump running is that he increased interest in the voting process.  After going to watch him be outspoken, I actually found that the substance of debates and politics in general can be interesting and so I stayed to watch the candidates actually debate and not so much for the insults.

I think it is safe to say that I have been rather opinionated throughout this election process, even going to watch a caucus, but my sister warned me not to post my (strong) political views, in order to prevent ranting, and so in this post I am going to treat all the candidates equally.



I was let in on a major secret neither the Democrats nor Republicans want you to know!  All of the candidates are secretly from Middle-earth!

Bernie Sanders is really Radagast in disguise!  It turns out that Radagast stuck around in Middle-earth long after the War of the Ring so he could run for president of the U.S.  Fearing that an elderly wizard would not preform well in the campaign, he underwent a rigorous makeover.  He wasn't able to hide everything however--you can clearly tell the similarities between them: they are both men of advanced age, and both of their hairstyles has attracted considerable attention.  They are also both very passionate about caring for nature.

Bernie Sanders isn't the only character undercover, however!  Sources tell me that Hillary Clinton is really Saruman the White (or is it the Many Colored?)!  Remember in The Return of the King when Saruman was taken away by a west wind?  Apparently that west wind blew all the way to the U.S. where she waited for her chance. Just like when she was younger and going by the name of Saruman, she still sports that fashionable bleached blond hair.  Just like how Saruman is the less successful version of Gandalf, so far Hillary Clinton has been following in Bill Clinton's footsteps but hasn't yet made it to his level.  She still retains the way with words she had when she went by Saruman:

"Suddenly another voice spoke, low and melodious, its very sound an enchantment. Those who listened unwearily to that voice could seldom report the words that they had heard; and if they did, they wondered, for little power remained in them. Mostly they remembered only that it was a delight to hear the voice speaking, all that it said seemed wise and reasonable, and desire awoke in them by swift agreement to see wise themselves. When others spoke, they seemed harsh and uncouth by contrast; and if they gainsaid the voice, anger was kindled in the hearts of those under the spell."

But it's not only the Democrats who are from Middle-earth.

Ted Cruz is actually Samwise Gamgee!  When Sam passed into the west on the ship, it was actually over the
Atlantic Ocean to the U.S. where he waited to run for the nomination.  Sam, who was the mayor of the Shire for many years, decided he wanted to run for something bigger.  He always mentions his wife, renamed from Rosie to Heidi, and daughters, two of which came with him to the U.S.  He is still in favor of small government like the kind they had in the Shire where the mayor's main job was to preside over banquets and wear feathers in their cap.  He is also vehemently against Donald Trump, who he (correctly) identifies with Gollum who (you will recall) he had animosity towards even when he was known as Samwise.

John Kasich is really Denethor.  Pippin reported that Denethor had died, but really he had just gone to his bunker in Minas Tirith since he expected the city to fall.  Thousands of years later he emerged and found his way to the U.S. where he decided the country needed a real steward. Just like how Denethor stayed out of the battle of the Pelennor fields, John Kasich is trying hard to stay out of the fray the rest of the candidates have jumped into.  However, John Kasich learned from his mistakes as Denethor and knows that despair is not the way--so he is holding onto hope that he might make it at a contested convention.

Donald Trump is actually Gollum/Smeagol!  When Gollum fell into the fire, he didn't die, he just was preserved beneath Mt. Doom until he perceived it was the right time to come out.  He started off with certain views, like he did as Smeagol, but gradually over time they changed, just as Smeagol changed into Gollum.  No one expected Gollum to save the day at Mt. Doom like he did, and no one expected Donald Trump to run--some things never change.

Wow, I was unaware of this, but as I was looking up images, I came across this article...apparently Rand Paul already has compared Donald Trump to Gollum!  He must be catching on to his secret:

"One candidate on this national stage wants you to give him power. He tells you he is rich, so he must be smart.


"If you give him power he claims he will fix America, but there is another tradition in America. A tradition that believes that power corrupts, and that our goal should be not to gain power but to contain power or limit Presidential power. Our founding fathers feared centralization of power. 

"...This race should not be about who can grasp the ring. Electing Gollum should not be our objective. This race should be about which candidate will best protect you from an overbearing government. I am the only one on this national stage who really doesn't want power or dominion over you. I want to set you free, I want to leave you alone, and I want a government so small you can barely see it."

Just remember that all of these candidates are vying for the Ring of Power...oh Valar.

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Just a bit of a disclaimer here, this was all meant in fun and I don't mean any disrespect to the candidates themselves.  The characters assigned to each of them does not necessarily indicate how I feel about them politically and of course they don't match up perfectly.  Just drawing some comparisons!  

8 comments:

  1. Funny! :D Just a pity that Sam Gamgee has apparently approved of GMO foods, a disappointing decision for a hobbit once so dedicated to good gardening. 0_0

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    1. Oh I didn't know about that...maybe he's trying to throw suspicion off himself so no one will guess he really is Sam...

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  2. Ohmygosh this is so funny! XD
    Lol, Emmarayn that's a good one ;)

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  3. This is clever and funny! And literally the most positive thing I've seen about the election. :P Great post!

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    1. Oh, goodie! I tried to keep it a bit upbeat--I'm glad you liked it.

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