Thursday, March 31, 2016

Finals Week

I just want to warn you that before you read this, keep in mind it's not my fault I have state testing for the next three weeks!

Also, I went a bit gif-crazy with this post so enjoy :)

How the Lord of the Rings = Finals Week

Little Frodo lives comfortably; spending his time reading during lessons, eating lunch, and laughing with his friends.
Suddenly, teacher Gandalf bursts into his calm and quiet life trying to fill it with adventure and cramming his tiny little hobbit brain with information.

Frodo is at first reluctant to heed the advice of Gandalf telling him all kinds of things, but finally he accepts the fact that testing is just something he has to do.  He is forced to wake up and smell the roses.

He conspires with his friends who are in more or less the same boat and together they plan study sessions a way out of the Shire.  They journey all the way to the library...Elrond's library, to be precise, where they cram all the information they should have been absorbing throughout their lives into a few weeks which leaves them tired and wanting to go to sleep (which they do for awhile).

However, the peaceful quiet of the library must come to an end, and eventually Frodo and his friends are shoved along with the other students questers out into the great unknown where the face dangers such as:

  • balrogs
  • multiple choice questions
  • orcs
  • #2 pencils
  • freezing cold
  • inclement computer lab conditions
  • evil wizards
  • people loudly unwrapping mints
  • Rings
  • scratch paper 
Frodo complains to his teacher, Gandalf, that he wishes this evil had never befallen him.  Gandalf replies, "All we have to how to use our testing time efficiently."  With that, Frodo falls into deep despair.

Frodo and the rest of his classmates are unused to the hostile conditions of the computer lab, also known as the Mountain Caradhras.  They are overwhelmed by the random shifts in temperature and find that they did not bring a sweatshirt with them.  They suffer through the first day of testing in the freezing cold.  

Eventually, teacher Gandalf throws up his hands declaring that he has given his students all the things they need to know, and falls into a dark abyss after battling the Balrog administrators into allowing the students to have more time to test.

"You're students can't take any longer to test because the computer lab is booked for the rest of the month!  Aggggh!"
Frodo continues the quest alone; the rest of his friends have completed their tests, but he alone must go on.  Sam is there for moral support, but he would be in huge trouble if he actually helped Frodo with the answers.

So Frodo presses on.  About a week and a half in, his vision begins to blur from looking at the computer screen for so long and he has a moment of panic.

Eventually the weekend hits and he falls into a long period of inescapable sleep during which time he neglects all other tasks.

Finally, towards the end of the test, he can't take it anymore and guesses on a few questions, which he gets wrong.  But Gollum, a veteran test taker, reminds Frodo to check his answers.  

"Check your answers Frodo!" Those were Gollum's last words.
Frodo does so and realizes he's made a mistake.  He fixes it, and submits the test.  "It's done."  He says just before collapsing into a delirious state.

Frodo celebrates with his friends.

For the rest of the school year, Frodo and his friends, with their new knowledge, lead happy lives.  But Frodo is haunted by the threat of test scores being released in a few months, and, strained mentally, departs from the school into summer where he can heal and find rest.


  1. Lol, this is hilarious! My prayers will be with you and your scores ;)
    I remember having to take state tests... I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore! Such a relief! :)

  2. Man... this makes me so glad I was homeschooled! The closest I ever came to this were state tests and the ACT, which were really not too stressful. ^_^ My sympathies to you, Ringbearer.

    1. Thank you--I will bear this burden as best as I can ;)